to put it bluntly, july was shit in multiple ways and i’m genuinely proud of myself for making my way through it in one piece. life is never easy but it was a real test. i’m a strong person but i very nearly lost the will to live. it’s over now, and i can take a few moments to look back on a few good things. some small, some big. but things that helped me through nonetheless.
– being proud of myself for finally asking for help with depression
– super juicy grapes
– meeting a new person i got on with
– taking photos (always gonna be on my happy list)
– people being truly kind to me
– being kind to others
– a (little) bit of retail therapy
– delicious curry (even though it made me ill – it was totally worth it)
– finding lactose free block cheese that i actually like
– revelling in unexpected nostalgia
– knowing that july is over – it was largely awful and i’m glad to see the back of it
– looking forward to attending a few local events
– winning an amazing competition
– seeing cardiff in a new light
– having a real (but very very small) sense of hope for the first time in a long time
what’s made you happy recently?
polka dot bikini | spotty swimsuit | striped tankini | ditsy floral tankini | polka & stripes swimsuit
like pretty much everyone ever, having a positive attitude towards my body image is something i’ve struggled with for most of my life. when i was in my early teens i was a little overweight but didn’t really care and then (looking back) almost seemingly out of nowhere i was in the crippling depths of anorexia.
many years later with a lot of hard work i began to put a bit of weight back on and for the first time ever i was happy with my body. then that went down the drain when i went on the pill and despite having the same eating habits and exercise regime i ballooned.
so whilst i’m (mostly) recovered from my anorexic days and body dysmorphic thinking i do have certain hangups about my body, most of which i’ve talked about here. most namely, my boobs. i’ve always had an ample bosom but the way they are now just really puts a dampener on how i see myself. they make me feel out of proportion and obviously there’s the fact they’re quite heavy and can cause back and neck issues.
i have a bit of a belly, bingo wings, and thick thighs but i’ve made my peace with those. my body is my body and i’m happy to have it. i celebrate others with various body shapes and sizes and am trying my best to do the same for myself.
i’m going to let you into a secret though. i’ve not worn (or owned) a swimsuit since i was a child. i mean, i can’t swim but that’s not really the issue. a day paddling at a pool, in the sea or wondering around a coastal town in swimsuit and floaty skirt ..why have i denied myself this?
so with this wishlist is a promise to myself to someday soon buy a swimsuit and wear it with pride. i also want to learn how to swim (so good for people like me who can’t do excerise that’s intensive on the joints) but that’s a long term goal. who’s with me?
as you can see i’m definitely drawn to the more retro looks, and the full swimsuits and tankinis as opposed to bikinis. what would you go for? personally i LOVE the black spotty swimsuit!
disclaimer – sponsored by george at asda, all body related thoughts and words my own
this past couple months have been pretty rubbish and my spirits are low. i’m generally worn down and i feel utterly hopeless at times. despite this, there are always happy moments, and these ‘small things’ are absolutely what make the dark days brighter.
what’s made you happy recently?
– remembering i had a ginger beer in the fridge
– feeling really properly creatively inspired again
– finding some fantastic botanical/nature books
– delicious gluten free chocolate cake
– my doctor being understanding
– ava snoozing on my fluffy rug
– our garden looking colourful
– flowers everywhere
– saving one of my plants from near death
– seeing my collages on postcards
– my work being in two magazines recently
– visiting the conservatory at roath park
– eating a hard boiled egg for the first time in my adult life
– spritzing water on my face after a long day
– being able to smell again after my sinuses cleared up a bit
– standing under trees in strong sunlight and breeze, going back and forth between leafy shadows and light